Good day brides. Your wedding is approaching. There's lots to do- dress, photographer, caterer, flowers, etc.- a full-time job-on-the-side for many. But wait- there's also this super protocol aspect that you can't fumble. Aunt Mary's brother's wife's great aunt will know that you don't know the old Emily Post secrets… what to do? Even if etiquette is your domain, weddings are a different ball game and the melding of one family to another can offer its own social pressures.
Fear not- if you hire a great calligrapher-who is adept at lettering and good, old-fashioned etiquette, you get a mini-planner and artist in one. You will turn out classic invitations and master the art of know-how, even before they see you in your gown. Your invitations meet the guests before you do, so here are my top tips:
Your Guests
First and foremost-start collecting names and addresses as early as possible and add to your list carefully. You probably have a number to stick to-but it's like impulse shopping—put the things in the cart and then slowly pull out the non-necessities. Coco Chanel was famous for subtracting. I don't recommend B and C lists-as they're tacky but a fewsecond tiers are inevitable so make that list also.
Have as many eyes on the list as possible (Mom, Mother-in-law, fiancé, sister, etc.) because you are going to miss things, trust me. If everyone is supplying separate lists, collect all, review and confirm before sending to your calligrapher. Many a time, I have seen guests invited who were not approved. You're in charge of this list and you'll feel better if you manage it. This can be a hassle, but it pays off. You'll use the list for save-the-dates, invitations, responses, thank yous and maybe other announcements. Try and give a clean, proofed list to your calligrapher in advance of your envelopes, and in Word, if possible so they have time to ask any questions. Excel can be difficult and contain extra information the calligrapher doesn't need.
List Etiquette
Next, you can trust that a good calligrapher knows the ins and outs of addressing doctors, clergy, children over 12 but under 16, your sister's military sweetheart and the I, II, III, and juniors on your list. Your calligrapher knows to spell out the states and numbers under 10 and to properly address internationals (mail in advance of the domestics since they require longer delivery, check for additional postage, etc.) You can have your calligrapher alphabetize and number your list and integrate additions, corrections as you provide them. Proficient calligraphers are detail-oriented and catch mistakes. Remember to ask for a clean list when all is sent out so you can track responses.
Ink Colors
You should have your pick of colors (black/charcoal being the most formal) and if you choose gold, silver or a metallic, expect to pay more. Calligraphy nibs are made like chopsticks-they split, not completely-but the nibs are fine metal points and clog easily because of mineral flakes in the ink. There are opaque paints, watercolor inks, and dyes. Some bleed on certain papers and some don't write at all on coated stocks so make sure you check it all out first and always order a minimum of 20% additional envelopes for hand-calligraphy. Ask that the unused envelopes be left with the calligrapher; it's much easier (and cheaper) than mailing out overnight packs of blank envelopes for unexpected additions. Specify that you would like your blanks returned.
Postage and Mailing
When you send your envelopes directly from the stationer to the calligrapher-ask the calligrapher to photograph and email you the photos of your printed pieces, purely for a thrill! When the calligraphy is finished, the calligrapher will even handle your assembly, stuffing, stamping and hand-canceling, if you ask.
Calligraphers design custom postage and can print them at zazzle.com, photostamps.com, among others. They set up the art in the files and can reproduce your motif, create a new one, offer designs of their own, etc.. in your specific colors. They can take care of weighing and ordering different postage values for your invitations, response envelopes and all international deliveries. TIP: If you manage your own postage, have your postage weighed at more than one post office. I remember when one of the postal scales was off, so-in turn-was all of the bride's postage. The bride received (thank goodness, immediately) 25% of her guest's invitations back in the mail.
Four to six weeks out from your wedding date is standard, traditional etiquette for mailing. Destination and summer weddings are advised at 6-8 weeks. Mail internationals even earlier. If you mail early enough, when responses come back as no's, you can send a few second tiers out without insulting those guests.
Wording and Monograms
A skilled calligrapher cannot only letter your envelopes, but calligraph your entire invitation, or special headings and they can letter menus, table stationery, program covers, table numbers, etc. An experienced calligrapher knows how to word your invitation properly and will advise you to put black tie lower right and caution its "half after" instead of "half past". They can help you know when to choose "request the honour of your presence" or "the pleasure of your company" and on top of all this, they can also design chic motifs and monograms. Just keep in mind to use two-letter monograms before the service (save the dates, shower and wedding invites) and three-letter monograms after (programs, menus, napkins, informals, etc.).
Lastly, interview your calligrapher months before your invitations are ordered. Their craft is by-hand, so they book up and you don't want them rushing on your envelopes. After you've seen their website, spoken with them in-person or over the phone and have found the person who will care for your invitations as their own, confirm your time on their schedule with a deposit. Gloriously, when your beautiful invitations go out, one of the biggest weights will be off of your shoulders – trust me!
A New Yorker in Connecticut, Grace Connell is a designer, illustrator, calligrapher and devoted mother. She loves parties, elegance and winter walks at Compo. She is a huge fan of kindness. For 22 years, she has served stylish brides from New York, Connecticut and beyond designing truly personal custom-printed products for their big day. Winner of New York's 50 Most Influential Women Award and a 10-year featured vendor for Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, Cartier, NA and Tiffany & Co., Ms. Connell entertains brides by appointment in her Westport studio.
Grace Connell Designs
Six Narrow Rocks Road, Studio Building
Westport, CT 06880
203-557-9017 T